You sound so frightened and low I hope can a*ssure you in some way*.

Firstly i am so sorry to hear your Grandad is so poorly and that it seems he is going to die. I havelost people to cancer and now have it myself so i kn ow how you feel and how your family feel.

Your family probably did not tell you that Grandad is going t die because they did not know, just because someone has cancer does not automatically mean they are going to die, maybe he has reached a point in his medication that there is nothing more they can do to keep it away, if this is the case then they could not have told you. And maybe they dd not tell you he had cancer in the first place because they wated to protect you just in case he did get over it and tthen the upset would have been for nothing.

as adults we dont always make the right decision but we do try to make the decsion that feels right at the time, your parents obviously thought it best not to tell you, dont be angry with them. I suggest you talk with your parents, people quite often bottle things up because they are affraid to upset others but also quite often people would love to talk and dont mind that its upsetting because upset releases feelings which is better for us. And as a parent it would break my heart to know my child is suffering over all this, i am sure your family would love to chat about it all, they can assure you what will happen.

At the end of all this is your grandad you must my darling think of him and quality of life, his quality, this is the most important thing, he would not like to live life with pain and suffering and i am sure you would not want him to exist like this too, it will be a happy release for all when his body gives up and he can be peacful and out of pain. It will hurt you darling without a doubt and you will cry and be very sad, but all this is normal and is how life goes on, as a child is is terrible hard to understand but we have to accept it.

in time you will absolutely have loads of memories of him to make you smile and keep you warm, at night you might even chat to him or talk to him in you head, and when you need that extra bit of support a quiet prayer to him will give you that little bit extra support.

he loves you and always willl no matter where he is, just because we cant touch or see does not mean they have left us forever, my family that i have lost are always in my thoughts and heart and i talk to my mum and my nan whe i need to.

Life can be cruel but it does go on and you have to let it.

Talk to your family and tell your family that you feel your cousins and siblings should be told because you need them to know so you can talk with them and tell them how being kept in the dark has up set you.

As i have said adults dont always get it right but we try.

I wish you lots of warmth my darling, please write and let us know how you are getting on. xxxxRemember you dont have to be alone. If all else fails use school and talk to whoever i work in a school and know that they can be very supportive to children with emotional diffficulties such as this, trust and talk. x