3 Replies Last post: 03-Feb-2010 21:44 by Pirata  

not coping

30-Jan-2010 18:36

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my mum was diagnosed in 2008 with bladder cancer it was such a shock. she had major surgery and had wot they could removed and had chemo and radiotherepy staighr afterwards. last may when we came bk she took very ill and was in hospital 4 over 2wks when we noticed a aroma and when i asked they said it was the timour. in june we found out tht the tumour had started growin in her lymph gland and had spread 2 the vulva. ahe has bn getting dressings done 3 times a day ever since 4 the fluid tht the tumour was making. she went thru chemo in october 2 try and push things bk but it never worked. im an only child and i just dont know wot 2 do or wots going on. i had 2 persuade her 2 go in 2 the hospice this wk as her pain was so severe. we had the results of her mri and it wasnt good and looks like tumour may b growing tho as she couldnt stay still scan wasnt clear, im so scared only people who have or are living cancer can understand, my oldest just wont accept it and im on tablets 4 stress, i dont tell mum tht cause she feels guilty seeing me upset. the problem is she wont tell me anything she allways makes it sound better thn it is i just feel so helpless surely im not alone?
Click to view Rodis's profile
1. 30-Jan-2010 19:31 in response to: broons
Re: not coping
Hi Broons,

Welcome to Cancer Chat. You are not alone because once you have registered on this forum ther are members who will help and support you.

It is understandable that you are frightened and worried because it seems that you do not know what is going on. If you are your mum's immediate next of kin or whoever is you / they have a right to know what is happening with your mum, From what you say it seems that things are not too good but you need to be told that from the medical people looking after your mum. If she is in hospital or hospice there are people there you can ask for information regarding her prognosis.

I am not sure of how your mum is being looked after at home but there are support services available, see the GP or contact Macmillan nurses.

I hope you are able to get some answers soon but come back to this thread if I can be of further help. My thoughts are with you. Rodis.

Click to view Cookie1979's profile
2. 31-Jan-2010 15:15 in response to: broons
Re: not coping

Watching someone you love suffer is the hardest thing in the world, and I completely understand why your mum is putting on a brave front, doesn't matter that your an adult, you're still her child and she wants to protect you. My parents were the same when my mum was ill, they made light of it, which I suppose was the best thing for a while because for quite some time I thought my mum would be ok, eventually found out the truth and the worry and fear was just so overwhelming, so I understand why they kept it from me. Your mum likely thinks she is helping by acting like things aren't so bad, she's doing it for you.

If you need to find out exactly what is going on then talk to her doctors and/or nurses, they will be able to tell you more.

I know its very hard, but you will get through it I think in these kinds of situations we find an inner strength we didn't think we had, we carry on because well we have to. You dont have to be strong all the time though, and no one can really cope in these kind of situations, we can get through it, but it does hurt, it hurts so so much.

Losing my mum hurt alot, and still does, but I'm getting through it.

I hope talking to your mums doctors/nurses helps. Sorry you are going through this.

Click to view Pirata's profile
3. 03-Feb-2010 21:44 in response to: broons
Re: not coping
Hi Broons, just wondered how you were feeling today? Did you speak to the hospice staff? Hope you had a better day today x

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