sorry to hear you're having this nightmare. thought i'd post a few words as there are similarites with my case. I was diagnosed early feb and had a subsequent lumpectomy. i am half way through 6 chemo sessions and am having further surgery as a preventative measure in late july. i am getting married in mid july so the timing is crap to say the least! like you, we were going to try to start a family post wedding. my lymph nodes werent affected fortunately but we felt like the hits just kept coming i remember! in our case, we were referred as urgent to a St James' in Leeds to discuss our options. My cancer is triple negative which at first i was disappointed about but my oncologist reassures me that it is just a specific type and helps to tailor the treatment, rather than it necessarily being a bad thing. with triple negative, it means it doesn't respond to hormone treatment, ie. tamoxifen or similar medications. if you're cancer is hormone receptive it is likely you will be advised to take tamoxifen for 5 years in which time you ought not to get pregnant as it kind of works against the whole point of the meds. The fertility expert said we could have our embryos frozen but i gather it's not done in many places for legal and ethical issues. eggs on their own are done more easily i think. either way, in my case it would've meant delaying chemo which after lots of thought we decided against. everyone's different but my priority was treatment. i, like you can't comprehend my life without kids but my oncologist says he has quite a lot of pre-menopausal women (i'm 34) who go on to conceive naturally post treatment. i've been advised to wait 2 years anyway from now before i try and have a family. that was never part of my plan but neither was having bloody breast cancer! i know it's so difficult to accept the situation you're in but get as much info as possible then you can at least make an informed choice.in view of you're age (not old obviously but it is a factor) and depending on your receptor status once you know it, maybe it would be wise to seriously consider fertility input. sorry to have gone on and on, hopefully some of its been helpful.

wishing you lots of luck.

x

Could you not seek advice from your oncologist? I know people who have had chemo and still had children after but for your own peace of mind would it not be better to go for some treatment that will save your eggs now in case you have problems later. It will be one less thing on your mind. I should see what could be done and do it before chemo (just in case).

I wish you well in your treatment and hope something can be sorted out. I expect your mind is in a turmoil so make a list when you think of things that need to be done. Judith

glad you're getting your head round things a bit, it aint easy though! devastation doesn't really explain it and unless people have been through it they can't understand. obviously, that's not their fault but i found it difficult to convey the sheer hugeness of the issues i was facing. having said that i am very lucky in terms of the best family and friends ever so no complaints on that score:-)

so you start chemo in 4 weeks, best of luck with that. i thought at first that i wanted to work and would find the 3 week gap between chemo impossibly hard. i wasn't being a marytr, it was more about feeling lost. however, after 2 sessions i relaxed my attitude about work and realised that i needed to be off work and really deserved to be away from work. i know lots of people do work through chemo but cos i'm a nurse it was a no-no due to germs etc. in any case, mentally i think it's good to have time out and although physically i feel good i think work would overwhelm me just now.

i know it sounds grim but on a purely practical level you really need to address the wig (hate that word) issue. mine sarted thinning after 16 days from the first dose and by day 22 it literally was not do-able to carry on. that was the most traumatic day of the whole thing for me, even worse than diagnosis day believe it or not. i got a great wig from a company called trendco who have stockists all over the UK. i still crave hair beyond belief and hate the wig but it's become my best friend in a way because it allows me to carry on with life as before. such a cliche, but pretty much you can't really tell. you need to get on to that asap i'm afraid.

the other thing is the fertility issue. did you decide about egg preservation? i was told that my periods would stop with the chemo but so far i've had three proper ones and the chemo finishes in 5 weeks so i feel that is promising in terms of future conception ie. my ovaries are functioning well in spite of everything:-)

the chemo itself for me has been very easy. i appreciate it's not like that for everyone but apart from having my bloods done pre each cycle and turning up to have each dose for no more than 1 1/2- 2 hrs tops it's actually been ok. obviously there are degrees of feeling ok but for me i have not been tired or sick. avoiding the gym cos don't fancy any awkward questions but go out on my bike and do exercise dvd etc.

like you say, i'm getting married in 8 weeks! i am having my 3 night hen weekend next week with 11 other girls and can't wait. i'm not stubborn by nature but i refuse to put things off if at all possible. i'm sure to people reading this they'll think i'm very positive and strong but it's important to say it certainly wasn't like this at the start. i felt crippled by everything i found out but eventually that gets very draining and you just get on with things. and before i knew it i've done 4 out of 6 chemos:-)

i can't think of many questions you need to ask but if anything occurs to you i'll try and help where possible. i don't want to sound over jolly but by the same token it really doesn't all have to be doom and gloom. i genuinely believe i will get over this and go on to have a family etc and a great life.

good luck with everything that comes over the next few weeks.

X

Of course if you are uneasy about it then you can always ask for them all to be removed.

Judith

I have come back from a fantastic 3 nite break at center parcs in penrith for my hen do. All 12 of us had an absolute ball. I originally booked there in case I felt crappy but as it turns out I felt great and I am so glad we went there.We drank more than enough obviously but we did bike riding, golf and horse riding. It was such good fun, I wouldn't have changed a thing:-)

Pleased to hear that you're having your eggs frozen. I can understand why you're doing that. It was a tough decision I bet but 4 weeks will go quickly and then you can get started with the chemo. Is it FEC you're having? I have been pleasantly surprised that I have continued with my periods so far so I'm hoping that this will be a positive thing with regards to having children in the future. You asked about my lymph nodes. Fortunately I had clear margins and my nodes were clear. They tested the sentinel node which was clear. I still have quite a lot of blue dye remaining from that but it's gradually fading. I am off to see the breast care nurse tomorrow to discuss my surgery at length. I am quite daunted but in another way I can't wait as then it's another box ticked on this nightmare journey which can only be a good thing:-)

So you've booked in with Trendco. That's good to hear. I won't lie to you-the day my hair started to come out and all the days between then and me shaving it off were the worst of all. I cried endlessly as I couldn't bear the thought of looking like a patient. I have always had shoulder length bobs with blonde highlights so I found it pretty awful. However, on the positive side once it was shaved off I coped surprisingly well with it. It really hasn't stopped me doing anything and I feel very confident with it on. I assumed I would spend days on end at home in dark moods but weirdly enough that never happened at all. Obviously it's not the same for everyone. Some people don't struggle with the wig issue but for me, it's been the worst bit. Amazing what you can get through when let's face it-we have no bloody choice! Unfortunately my eyebrows are looking pretty thin now but as you'll discover, the chemo goes very quickly somehow and you realise it's only temporary. I think some days are hard because people truly can't appreciate what you're going through on every level. I find that because I look and feel really good, I feel like people genuinely forget I've had cancer and deal with the fallout from it daily. But then, I forget about the cancer almost all of the time and I act completely the same most of the time so I can't blame them really for doing the same!

Anyway, keep me posted on your progress. Best of luck with the fertility treatment. Hope to hear things go well for you:-)

Take care

X