well i dont really know where to start,
my grandad got diagnosed with prostrate cancer 9 yrs ago,he went through radiotherapy,chemo and got put on to injections finally to stop the growth of his tumor and hes done so well fighting it these past 9 yrs-however-
last yr he had a major shock and wether this is what made his psa level go up or not we will never know,but the family think the shock he had sent his cancer sky high and in the space of 6 months he was diagnosed with secondary cancer and the past 2 months have been awful.Grandad is the type who has never complained to us about what hes been through,although you would appreciate cancer is bad enough for us families to suffer with them god only knows how they must feel being the victims of it.
Although we all knew it would come to a horrible end having lost my other grandad to cancer aged 53,and my auntie aged 32-for ME,i was too young when they passed to UNDERSTAND the real emotional deal involved with death and cancer.Now i am petrified because i remember enough pain from them im dreading the next weeks/months with grandad.When he got diagnosed i was 20yrs old,and got so scared i would lose him so quick like my other grandad i made a decision to see more of him fearing the worst and since that day 9 yrs ago ive visited every week,sometimes twice(which was alot more than i visited before he was diagnosed).I now have a 4 yr old little one who comes on the visits with me and adores grandad aswell,for me grandad is like my father-our bond has grown so strong i am dreading not having him around-and really dont know what i will do not having him just down the road.
I went to visit him 2 weeks ago,as usual and when i walked in he was sitting in his usual chair,i said the usual'hi grandad how are you'..he looked at me and said im in that much pain i could scream,for me that was a slap in the face as he had never complained once i knew this was bad news(id been away for 2 weeks on holiday and heard he'd been sleeping alot while i was gone)..i never expected a big change like that though.
He went to the gp and got put on morphiene,he was already on 20 odd tablets a day,thats now doubled-i am now visiting him every day along with everyone else,even the the gp is giving home visits and the vicar is coming too.i know the end is near but i can not face it-i mean he might have a few months,im too scared to ask too many questions because it seems no-body is saying exactly whats going on-my mum says this is the end but im still thinking he might improve-i just dont know what is happening.
i do know the cancer is prostrate,ribs,shoulder,spine,bones...that says it all i suppose!
ive only just come across this site but already i feel abit better for writing that down,its all thats been going in my head-the gp has already upped his dose of morphiene aswell so most days he seems on another planet to me....i cant stand seeing him like this i am so scared what i am going to be facing in the near future:(x
