Nana ...: Cancer Research UK Forum

Cancer Chat : Your space to talk about cancer

Up to Discussions in Dying with cancer

3 Replies Last post: 04-Feb-2010 13:24 by Bubbles

Nana

02-Feb-2010 17:12

loulx 2 posts since
02-Feb-2010

Hi Y'all.

I've read lots of the posts on here and even though I know there's nothing you can do to helpe me, I wanted to share this with you as I didn't really have anywhere else to go!

Nana, (my Mum's Mum) has just been diagnosed with Pancreatic caner. It's spread to her liver. They've given her 12 weeks. She's been ill for a while, but refused to see the doctor and then went on a 5 week holiday where she was taken very ill and in the end flown home via air ambulance. She's home now, but I live a good 150 miles away and I can't get home very easily...

Although I'm devastated, I feel so awful for my Mum and Auntie as it's their Mum that they're losing and they sound so terribly upset on the phone. I don't really know what to do. They say she's having an op to try and unblock something in her liver which might make her feel better for a little while but I'm scared she won't come through it so I'm going to try and get home before then but it'll involve a lot of travel and time off work that I can't afford to take... And when I do get home, what am I going to say to her? Apparently she's very frightened and upset (of course) - and I have nothing to comfort her with.

Anyway, my condolances to everyone else who is going through this too. It's rubbish :-(

Thanks for reading x

Bubbles 296 posts since
07-Jul-2008

1. 03-Feb-2010 13:37

in response to: loulx

Re: Nana

Hi Louix,

You do not have to say anything. Just hold her and be there for her. Your presence is more than words can say to her at this time. I lost my nan a long time ago and loved her so much too. When she was ill I used to sit and talk to her of all my memories with her while I was growing up. How she was always there for me with a smile and a cuddle and a slice of apple pie!!!! She was my hero. She had a tough life but it never made her bitter. I think of her often but not with sadness anymore. With a smile that she was my nan and how lucky I was to have her.

If your nan likes books why not read to her? You being there for her is all she will want. My thoughts are with you.

Bubbles.

loulx 2 posts since
02-Feb-2010

2. 03-Feb-2010 23:12

in response to: Bubbles

Re: Nana

Thanks Bubbles,

I may well read to her actually. There's a book called Jonathan Livingstone Seagull (which I'm sure some of you guys will know) which I thnk she'd find comforting right now, and it's not a difficult listen. At the moment she's still very frightened about whats going to happen and how it's going to feel, but the rest of my family and her have a meeting with some consultants tomorrow about controlling the pain when it gets to that stage so hopefully after that she'll feel a bit better. We think their earlier estimates might have been a bit optimistic now as the tumor in her liver has more than doubled in size in the course of a week and she still won't eat or drink anything. I'm going home on Saturday, but I feel so awful so far away while the rest of my family are rallying around back home... I know I can't do anything, but they're all together and I'm just up here working and phoning home whenever I can.

They understand, I just wish I could be there too right now. And I'm worried about my Mum as she's shut down emotionally - I'm not sure how long to leave it before I try and press her, but she won't cry, laugh... anything. It's her way of coping I guess, but she's just gone a bit robotic.

Anyway, hopefully this stent (is that the right word?) will make Nana feel a bit better on Friday and she'll be perky enough to see me over the weekend. I'll just blab on with my London news as usual and try to take her mind off things for a while.

Lou

Bubbles 296 posts since
07-Jul-2008

3. 04-Feb-2010 13:24

in response to: loulx

Re: Nana

Hi Louix, Yes stent is the right word and it should help her quite a lot. So glad you are going down on Saturday to see your nan. Try not to worry too much about your mum. She is probably still in shock and is on automatic pilot. Its strange how we all react so differently. I know when I was diagnosed 9 years ago with cancer we all reacted in a different way. My dad used to cry when I visited him and he cried when I left. My sister convinced herself the hospital had made a huge mistake and that it was someone elses notes!!!!! Not very helpful at the time lol!!!!!! My children and husband were brilliant. I found I made jokes about it and played down the symptoms and told everyone how fine I felt etc.etc. and they took their lead from me. I found myself trying to protect my family as much as possible from the harsh reality of it all.

Your mum will show very little to you because she is trying to protect you as much as she can. You will be helping your mum by being there on Saturday and giving her a break by reading to your nan. Make sure your mum is getting enough rest and that she is eating because she will need this to keep her going. Let me know how it goes. Take care.

Bubbles.

Go to original post