my dad had liver cancer, he was diagnosed in july last year. iv watched him grow more and more iLL . the final week he spent in bed, my dad doesnt do bed so i knew this was it. he said he was tired and wanted to go to bed, that was 25th jan, he slept alot but the whole family visited anyway. he even managed a few words, On wednesday 27th, as i was about to leave to come home i said to him DAD, IM GOIN HOME NOW, ILL *** BACK TOMORROW, I LOVE U, his reply was, LOVE U. those were the last words i heard. we all continued to visit. then on fri 29th, i get a call off my sister saying the doctor has been and said he has round 24hrs or less, so i had to go straight over. i layed on the bed wiv him and held his hand, i felt his hand move (maybe he was tring to tell me its time) then my sister saw his mouth close, my mam went to tell the others, when she left the room, he passed, i held his hand till he took his last breath. my sister went to tell my mam, they all came in and we al cryed. i couldnt speak, i just stared into space til my mam told me to call my husband to pick me up. i could not be there when they took him away, that would have destoyed me. now, every time i go to my mams they are all there, they are all managing to put up a front, but i cant, why am i the only one in a family of 8 who cant hold it together, the funeral is on monday and my mam said i shouldnt attend, dont take that the wrong way, they all know how emotional i am, i was actually kind of relieved, sound bad i know, but i have a history of depression and i need to think of my children and husband. What i have decided to do is go with my husband, not with my family, wait outside and go from there, if i go in, ill sit at the back so i dont upset my mam and everyone else. or i will just leave and say goodbye in another way. AM I DOING THE RIGHT THING?????/