What professional help are you getting? As a trained nurse, if she is shouting out my concern would be that she is in pain, but it may be that she is just confused from the pain medication. I know that must be horrific for you to watch - my God I cant tell you how sorry I feel for you; Speak to the district nurses/palliative care nurses. They are wonderful and will help you ensure that she is settled and pain free.

Bev, I am religious. I am not a "happy clapper" as some might say but I truly believe in God and I believe that God calls for people to be his angels. I truly believe that your MiL will be with Him when she leaves you. You will be desperately sad that she has gone and you will miss her terribly, but she will always be with you. Dont be sad that she cant share experiences with you - she will; you just wont see her.

Oh Bev - I cried buckets as soon as I read your message; I know this will be us one day which makes it all the more hard to read. Nothing I can say will make you feel any better I know that. I just want you to know that I am thinking about you all. With love, S xx

You havent upset me. In all honesty I feel lucky in comparison. Mum is due her second round of chemo on Tues so long as her bloods are ok tomorrow. Most of her hair has come out now so she is wearing her wig. With her make up on (very rare to see her without!) she looks beter than she has done in the past few months! She looks fantastic. Her right arm does not work well which frustrates her no end, but it works a bit (she can wash/feed herself but doesnt have enough control to write). She is not in pain, she is not confused. I am spending every second away from wok with her - and I am like a japanese tourist with my new camera! I tell her repeatedly every day that I love her. Oh God, I will miss her so much. I truly understand how hard you must be finding this. as a nurse,I know what is coming ultimately, which I why I have been so much more upset than the rest of the family.

Are you going to come back up? It must be so hard being so far away. I find it difficult being only 20 minutes away! The nurse is possbly right though; Your MiL may have hung on to see you all. It sometimes happens that way; I know it did with my Grandad. We live in Chorley (Bolton at the time) and he in Gerrards Cross. We were told he would not be long so we got straight in the car to go (4 hour journey - without a wash or teeth/hair brush etc) and he died within about an hour of us arriving

Gonna give my mum a quick ring before she goes to bed then hope to chat again soon. With love Sx

My thoughts are with you!

Don't take it too much too heart if Mil decides not to wait for you as sometimes they need to do it alone.

After all she knows you were with her over the last 5 weeks when she needed you and her son with her.

My Fil died last may, we sat with him in the hospital for four days, taking it in turns to go for a cuppa in the canteen(the senior nurse told the other nurses not to keep giving us tea!)

We slept in the armchair in turns next to his bed! Then when we couldn't cope any longer we booked into a travel lodge for the night. left him at 9.40pm and got a call from the hospital at 10.40pm to say he had gone! He wanted to be on his own I guess?

Take heart that for your Mil it was very quick and probably harder for you and your family to cope with the shock of it all. Will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Take care

Dont know when you will get this message. Know you havent been messaging for a couple of days and was just thinking about you and hope you are doing ok.

Sara x

I hope your MiL had a settled night and you managed to get some rest. The support you are getting sounds fantastic;I'm really glad about that.

My Mum is doing ok. She cant get her steroids down past 5 without experiencing more symptoms which is worrying but she is still functioning well independently at the moment. Her right shoulder has dropped a lot as she has lost muscle tone due to nerve damage from the brain mets. She wants to see a neuro physio so we are going next week - not sure what good it will do but she wants to try so try we will. It is my daughters 10th Birthday on Thursday. Mum has confided in my Sister that she's worried this is the last birthday she will share with her; I know it will be so I am going to have to try so hard not to be emotional. I am still so emotional though, ridiculously so. I think there has only been 1 or 2 nights since Dec 30th where I havent cried myself to sleep every night. I have a knot in my stomach constantly. Its just unbearable the thought of losing someone you love so much; That said, I have also thought, even now (God forgive me) that I wish the end would come quickly as I cant bear her going through all this; I cant bear thinking that life might be like this for us all for a long time - you live it eat it and breath it dont you? Of course I dont mean it; I dont want her to die at all and I know I will feel so guilty that I thought that when she does pass.

Anyway, enough about me. Just want you to know I have been thinking of you. Take comfort in the fact that all your efforts are contributing to a 'good' death. Not many people are lucky enough to have their entire loving family with them when they pass away which your MiL will have.

(Where abouts in Lancashire do your iL's live?)

Take care

Sara x